Sunday, October 29, 2017

God Had Been Busy

Note: Goes great with this song:

As the massive body bore down on the Earth, it's legs moving at a speed Science told us impossible... but Science was wrong about so many things.


Insects typically have weird fucking "shuttle door" mouths. There's usually some busy ass bullshit going on with an insect mouth.

Not this one!

HUGE fucking mouth, things that looked like lips, with bright red lipstick on them (because shit wasn't horrific enough!). Which was great! Went awesome with the LONG ASS FANGS! coming out of that mouth, and the perfect single rows of what were undoubtedly teeth stretching 10,000 miles on both jaws.

The head reared back, this creature clearly used to billions of years of working within the cage of physics created for it. Most movements, some fraction of light speed. The shockwave generated by the simple head movement would eventually sheer Titan in half.

The fangs angled forward. The tip moving at amazing speed about to pierce San Juan, Puerto Rico. And a mere 8 feet from this fang going 7000 miles into the Earth, moments before it would angle it's fangs to tear the top layers of this easy planet apart... Who Would Become Dick simply could not move.

Everything stopped. Who would become Dick turned 632,323 eyes (the ones available) towards the base of the fang stuck 8 feet above San Juan. Now, "eyes" was an understatement. Because each of these massive structures contained a parabolic component that focused all ripples in the media detected.

"I know you can see me asshole. I know you know this language. Are you done? Consider what I just did without killing you." Said the very tiny yet most powerful being in our Universe.

Who would become Dick considered this. After gorging itself on early unformed life for what we would consider 2 billion years, and what would have felt like about 17 years to a human teenager once reaching the age of 17, Who would become Dick considered what this amazingly small but clearly powerful being did. Stopped one of the most powerful forces in the known Universe. The fang strike on a planet from an adult Contracted Clearworm. It was not even remotely possible from a physics standpoint, yet it happened. Something not possible.

Who would become Dick could process roughly 350 billion simple problems per second. So it quickly figured out something very important. Because it was not possible for what just happened to happen, it just met the most powerful being in this reality it had ever met. Moreso, it discovered that beings existed that could go beyond the physics of the reality it knew.

And then suddenly it was Dick. A human. The entire structure of its being, and all knowledge it had amassed, suddenly, brought down hard and fast and made a human named... Dick. Sitting across from another human at a table at a bar in San Juan, Puerto Rico.

"I find that forcing a being to be what that being is attacking is the finest way to meet that being." said God.

Dick, spoke. For the first time.

"What have you done"

Said flatly. Dick was a very new human so, this was not intuitive.

"See, I love these people. They do things... I can't even begin to explain how amazing this experiment in anti-matter deprivation has worked out. I forced these poor backward assholes through coal and oil and solar. They still haven't gleaned the potential of anti-matter energy. It's simply astounding. The result is some of the best low energy tech in this Universe. You hogs that had it from day one didn't even get to experience this technological explosion."

"So you are their God" said Dick in perfect English.

"No, I'm also your God. I mean, this is all mine."

God warps into the form of Glulinasius The Redeemer for a few seconds. The God of the Nasius empire. Says the right thing: "We Conclude!" then turns back into the human that the Nasius that became Dick first met.

"I let you create me. I mean, seems fair. I created all of you." said God.

"So this is being a human. As my creator, I'm assuming you have done this because of some deference?" asked Dick.

"Hahahahahahahahahah!! I'm going to make this so easy for you." said God.

"Have a beer" God literally hands Dick an amazing beer. (doesn't matter what kind)

This was clearly some liquid with a complex nature based upon initial scans. And the higher being of its reality was encouraging imbibement. But, was it and it, or a he now. He (Dick) felt like a he. He was a man. A human man. Drinking what was the single greatest experience he had ever experienced. The liquid rushing down his new gullet feeling so amazing. So much better than anything he had ever experienced in his entire life as a cherub of Nasius.

Tears streamed out of Dick's eyes. He put the bottle down. Empty. He looked at God. "They get to feel this way. They don't live in fear constantly. The star in the sky warms my skin. Thank you for protecting this. I would protect this forever."

"Now you understand" said God as he made this new visitor our newest protector, rewinded time just.... enough, like none of it ever