Monday, December 22, 2014

When It's Over

I just got out of a long relationship. In the end it was turbulent. All trolling aside, all finger-pointing and drama aside, it simply wasn't working anymore. Two people were no longer making each other happy despite both of them making token gestures. And whether all parties want to admit it, we had both checked out months ago. So ending things was a mercy killing. I only wish I'd done it sooner, and I'm really glad we didn't wait. Waiting longer at this stage would have made things ten times worse. We'd have gotten more toxic towards each other. I know I made the right decision. And I knew it was coming because we started digging in. Taking those little steps to make things more official rather than admit we were failures.

But it ended.

So now we lean on our friends. And our friends have seen this game play out before, so they know what their role in things is.

"he/she was just an asshole"
"he/she was trying to change you. You are free now bruh."
"he/she was holding you back"
"he/she hated all your friends"
"he/she wasn't good enough for you"
"You need to find someone that makes you happy"

And the last one up there is the only one that really matters. That's where my head was. And not just for me. I knew I was miserable. I knew she was miserable. And we don't have a lot of time. Not really. Birthdays and holidays and seasons fly by, and only accelerate the older you get.

There was a huge age difference in the relationship. And while she NEVER made it an issue, and never seemed to care, the reality is I've gotten to be in love more times than I should have already. And I am over 40 now. But she's not. And she should have that chance at the kids and the house and picket fences. I wasn't going to be that guy anymore, so it wasn't fair of me to hold her back from that.

So I'm sorry. 

I'm sorry we didn't work out. I was pulling for us for a long time. I know you tried. And I knew you weren't strong enough to end things. 

I was.

After a few weeks/months when things have calmed down, and you are dating a new guy (You'll be dating a new guy) if you want to be friends again, let me know. If you don't I completely understand.